Episode 16 - Personal Challenges and Past Trauma

December 14, 2016

Summary:

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast where we teach you about simple things to make your life awesome. In Episode #16, Kayvon and Dai discuss the key to clarity, exercises to help you find it with greater ease, and how confusion is frequently tied to challenging childhood experiences.

Access to our Quick Life Enhancer: bit.ly/2dQJmkR

Time Stamped Show Notes:
● 00:58 – Dai shares how he’s doing while on the road
● 01:31 – How Kayvon is doing
o 02:05 – Kayvon’s father had health issues
o 03:34 – Kayvon’s friend on EMDR therapy
● 04:10 – “We all have memories that are traumatic”
● 04:33 – Starting to live your life from belief
o 05:09 – Identifying beliefs from early childhood
● 05:32 – The EMDR therapist alters the association and puts a new belief
o 06:51 – Kayvon underwent EMDR sessions
o 07:47 – “Stories develop in our minds through habitual choices”
● 09:25 – Habits as an excuse
● 10:08 – “We use different reasons as alibis to NOT change”
● 10:50 – Kayvon’s example from medical school
● 11:56 – Action orientation
● 12:45 – EMDR is pragmatism
o 13:51 – Kayvon researched about EMDR
o 14:48 – EMDR is Kayvon’s way to get clarity
● 15:32 – Dai turning away from alcohol
● 17:51 – A lot of personal habits are influenced early in life
● 18:15 – Living in the same pattern is similar to addiction
● 19:22 – Where Kayvon is right now in his EMDR therapy
● 20:33 – “Let the new level of clarity come up”
● 21:30 – Take time to explore and navigate
● 22:26 – TRY this EXERCISE
o 23:01 – Get a sheet of paper
o 23:14 – Column 1 – Write…
o 23:47 – Column 2 – Write…
o 24:04 – Column 3 – Write…
● 25:24 – The freedom model
● 27:42 – Some habits are just automatic
● 28:07 – Try the two exercises in one
● 29:48 – We encourage you to participate!
● 30:30 – Connect with Dai and Kayvon on Twitter

3 Key Points:
1. Beliefs come from personal memories.
2. Memories play a great part on your life choices.
3. People use reasons to use as alibis for not changing.

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Episode 15 - On Being Raw, Real and Honest

December 7, 2016

Summary:

 

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about the simple things you can do to make your life even more awesome. In Episode #15 Kayvon and Dai discuss the normalcy of up and down experiences, and how the common constraints and definitions we tend to impart upon ourselves are damaging.

 

Time Stamped Show Notes:

 

      00:28 – Introduction to today’s topic

 

      00:46 – Dai shares his year of transition and how it impacted him

 

      02:23 – “All of us experience Ups and Downs”

 

      03:48 – Dai discusses his experiences from the road

 

o      05:24 – “I was physically tired…And it shifted to a negative direction”

 

      06:13 – Remember that tomorrow is a new day with a new opportunity

 

      07:39 – “The way we talk about life is how it moves through our head”

 

      08:43 – Kayvon’s experiences from the past and how those have changed him

 

      10:02 – Our brain gives meanings to non-specific, non-correlated facts

 

      10:28 – “Behaving in a certain way doesn’t have to be negative”

 

      11:01 – All of us, not matter our peculiarities, are normal human beings

 

      12:57 – Strategies on dealing with ups and downs that worked for Dai and Kayvon

 

o  14:42 – Stop focusing on the negative

 

o  14:59 – Improve upon the positive

 

o  16:32 – Look at the physicality (reality) of situations—don’t let your imagination wander too much

 

      19:50 – Subscribe on iTunes!

 

3 Key Points:

 

1.     Every person experiences Ups and Downs–it’s normal!

 

2.     Investing energy on negativity thoughts will only fuel negative actions.

 

3.     Every day is a new opportunity.

 

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Episode 14 - Tough Love Gets Results

October 19, 2016

Episode 14

Summary:

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about the simple things that can make your life awesome. In Episode #14 Kayvon and Dai talk about tough love. Listen in for a routine to help you take responsibility for the good and bad in your life; advice on dealing with people who are hurting; and what you can learn from disgraced baseball player Pete Rose.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

     00:45 – Introduction

     02:40 – Voicemail and communication

     05:00 – People now use apps like Roger for asynchronous voice communication

     07:00 – “Tough love” - how does it work?

     07:35 – Toughness can be honest

     08:30 – What does Kayvon answer if his daughter asks “Are you okay?”

     08:45 – You can be honest or not - Kayvon tries to be honest when he’s not okay

     10:30 – “Velvet boxing gloves” - giving tough advice from a place of love

     12:30 – Dai often deals with people who are hurting deeply

     14:00 – Before Kayvon started dealing with his physical health, he was dealing with his mental health

     15:00 – Reached out to Dai for help

     17:20 – Sometimes you need to give tough love to yourself

     17:40 – A 5-minute exercise to practice tough love

o      On a piece of paper, write 3 things that went wrong today and ask how you contributed to that result

o      Then write 3 things that went right today and how you contributed to that result

o      Repeat each night or as often as you can

     20:20 – Dai worked in sales - and he used to ask himself how he could have dealt with a customer differently

     22:00 – Pete Rose used to keep a baseball notebook so he couldn’t be caught out with the same pitch twice

     23:02 – The Happiness Project - think of 3 things every night that have brought you happiness

     25:40 – Affirmations and gratitude work. Be happy, grateful, and proud of yourself

     26:40 – Tell us what you’re happy about and proud of! It would make our day.

 

3 Key Points:

1.       Don’t be humble. Don’t be cocky - but be proud of who you are and what you’ve done.

2.       Be honest with the people around you - even when it’s tough

3.       Write down what went wrong in your day and what went right, and how you contributed. By taking responsibility for the good and bad you’re showing yourself tough love.

 

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Episode 13 - Why Empathy is the Most Under-Utilized Human Emotion

October 5, 2016

Episode 13

Summary:

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about the simple things that can make your life awesome. In Episode #13 Kayvon and Dai talk about empathy. Listen in to hear about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, how empathy is a skill like any other, and what you can do to develop it.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

     00:40 – Introduction

     01:43 – “Empathy is the most under-utilized human emotion”

     02:15 – Empathy is both and emotion and a skill

     03:22 – Dealing with your own challenges lets you get closer to how other people are feeling

     04:20 – Kayvon had English as a second language - so he knows the definition of ‘empathy’ and ‘sympathy’

     05:25 – Sympathy is acknowledging others’ emotions - empathy is understanding them

     06:30 – People are very quick to judge

     07:50 – How do you go about teaching yourself empathy?

     09:00 – Life experience helps to produce empathy

     11:30 – Sometimes there is too much of an experience gap to empathise

     15:00 – Bedside manner - how do doctors manage empathy?

     17:20 – Patients are helped by a doctor’s empathy

     19:15 – Parents want nothing more than to make their kids’ sadness go away

     20:15 – Empathy is a skill that we need to practice

     21:02 – Try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes before the next episode

     21:30 – Tell us how it goes! We’d love to hear back from you.

 

3 Key Points:

1.       Empathy isn’t practised enough - people are often quick to judge

2.       To practise empathy, turn to your own experiences. When have you felt something similar?

3.       Honest connections rely on empathy

 

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Episode 12 - How Not to be a Victim of Circumstances

September 21, 2016

Episode 12

Summary:

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about the simple things that can make your life awesome. In Episode #12 Kayvon and Dai talk about being a victim of circumstance. Tune in to hear why pain and suffering don’t have to make you a victim, how to make sustainable changes in your life, and the guru who taught his students to “remember yourself”.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

     00:45 – Introduction

     02:25 – “Being a victim of circumstances”

     02:45 – What are the concepts there? Can we unpack those ideas?

     03:22 – “When we’re victims, our mental state is challenged”

     04:25 – There is real victimisation - but how do we deal with tough situations?

     05:07 – In his early life, Dan adopted a victim mentality

     07:08 – Dan gave up drinking - after realising that even if circumstances gave him ‘permission’ to drink, it was something that was making him unhappy.

     07:50 – Making changes is about taking control of your own life, even when it’s incredibly hard

     09:30 – Changes start with yourself - then with others to help you sustain the change

     11:00 – “We are people with power and choice”

     12:05 – How do we deal with the real situations that cause us pain?

     14:00 – Acknowledging that you are still there, and matter, in painful circumstances

     15:15 – “Stop and remember yourself”

     17:30 – You do matter in your life

     18:40 – In school we learn to highlight all of the wrong things

     20:30 - “I’d rather be Tigger than Eeyore”

     21:40 – What do you think? Connect with us on social media.

 

3 Key Points:

1.       Hardship and pain are real - but you always have a choice about what attitude you take

2.       Changes start with yourself, but to be sustained they need help from other people

3.       Stop and remember yourself. You take up space. You matter.

 

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Episode 11 - Life is Black and White

September 7, 2016

Episode 11

 

Summary:

 

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about the simple things that can make your life awesome. In Episode #11 Kayvon and Dai talk about eliminating grey areas. Tune in to hear why Kayvon hates backup plans, how to escape analysis paralysis, and a tip for tough decisions from Benjamin Franklin.

 

Time Stamped Show Notes:

 

     00:35 – Introduction

 

     01:30 – Dai tried parkour for the first time today

 

     03:17 – Kayvon attended a relationship workshop

 

     04:22 – Today’s topic: “No gray areas”

 

     04:55 – “You either commit or you don’t. Make a final decision.”

 

     06:07 – One of the reasons we don’t make decisions is that we ask the wrong questions

 

     06:30 – Ask yourself why you’re doing things: and then make a decision. Any decision.

 

     07:50 – ”You can have everything you love in life as long as you give up everything you don’t.”

 

     09:30 – Get rid of the gray areas and backup plans

 

     11:00 – How do you help people act instead of weighing up the options?

 

     13:05 – Pick something. You don’t have to kill the other options: but pick one option and give it a try

 

     14:48 – Benjamin Franklin would list all the pros and cons of any choice

 

     15:30 – Listing choices and taking time to weigh them up is a great way to get out of your own head

 

     18:00 – “Make the sale and figure out the logistics after”

 

     19:17 - “Do or not do: there is no try”    

3 Key Points:

 

1.       Make a choice. Any choice. Action is always better than paralysis

 

2.       You can have time and energy for what you love if you eliminate the things you don’t

 

3.       Take some time to work on your choices - brainstorm, create a list, or use another tool to get out of your head

 

 

 

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Episode 10 - Get vs Give

August 17, 2016

Episode 10

Summary:

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about the simple things that can make your life awesome. In Episode #10 Kayvon and Dai talk about give and take. Tune in to hear their thoughts on the pleasures of giving, how creating a community uplifts you, and why it’s sometimes good to be selfish.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

     00:30 – Introduction

     01:12 – “Get versus Give”

     02:17 – Kayvon connected with Dai through his free Sunday Funday project

     03:02 – What has Dai got from his giving act?

     04:35 – Dai wanted to create a community of people who would uplift each other

     05:55 – “I wanted to pay it back”

     08:00 – Dai finds the atmosphere in the group uplifting even on his toughest days

     09:50 – ”You are the most important person in your life”

     11:00 – Be selfish - let yourself recharge

     12:00 – “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”

     12:45 – Kayvon’s advice is to be your kindest version of yourself to the people you love the most

     13:30 – There’s a relationship between getting and giving: give and take

     15:00 – Give people the opportunity to help you

     16:00 – If you share a dream, suddenly you aren’t ‘asking for help’ - you’re giving people the opportunity to come together and help build a dream with you

     19:17 - There’s no separation between getting and giving. Giving makes us feel good. Getting is a connection with other people.

     20:25 –  What are your thoughts? Help us learn from you!

3 Key Points:

1.       You are the most important person in your life: be kind to yourself and let yourself recharge

2.       Allow people the opportunity to help you

3.       There’s no separation between ‘getting’ and ‘giving’ - it’s all part of connection and exchange

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Episode 9 - Openness to Being Wrong

August 3, 2016

Episode 9

Summary:

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about the simple things that can make your life awesome. In Episode #9 Kayvon and Dai discuss what to do when things go wrong. Tune in to hear why you should admit your mistakes, how to talk to someone with different core beliefs, and why sometimes it’s best to give up and move on.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

     00:36 – Introduction

     02:15 – “Is this the right hill to be climbing right now?”

     02:50 – How do you remain open to being wrong?

     04:02 – For every successful project, there are 9 failures

     04:45 – “Every No means you’re one step closer to a Yes”

     06:50 – Kaycon usually realises he’s wrong when someone else comes into the equation

     08:15 – Admitting your mistakes does not make you a weaker person - it just makes you a person

     10:05 – When Dai started to admit he was wrong, he found his relationships functioning better

     11:20 – “Learn to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on”

     13:30 – “When you’re coaching - what’s the process of teaching someone whose core beliefs are different to yours?”

     14:20 – The best thing is to assess the level of their emotional intensity at that moment

     15:00 – If there’s a chance for a conversation, then try to ask questions that open up new possibilities in their mind

     15:50 – “Sunk cost” - Sunk costs shouldn’t affect the decisions that you make about the future

     19:00 – It can be hard to let go of the time, energy, and money that you’ve poured into a project. But whether you continue or not, the sunk cost is gone.

     20:25 –  What’s a sunk cost that you found hard to let go of? And what did you learn from it?

 

3 Key Points:

1.       There are nine failures to every success - so don’t let them get you down

2.       Forget sunk costs. They’re lost, whatever decision you make about the future.

3.       Avoid arguing with people. Try to ask questions that open up the possibilities in their mind.

 

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Episode 8 - Time Management?

July 20, 2016

Episode 8

Summary:

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about thesimple things that can make your life awesome. In Episode #8 Kayvon and Daidiscuss how to manage your time and commitments effectively. Tune in to hearabout why Kayvon doesn’t do the things that he merely ‘likes’, why you shouldbe sayin ‘No’ ten times as much as ‘Yes’, and why focus is your most powerfultool.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

     00:42– Introduction

     01:20– Time management: how do you get the most out of your day?

     01:40– Dai believes in “Commitment management” rather than time management

     02:10– Looking at a calendar and saying “What do I want to commit to this week?”

     03:30– Health is a foundational piece in Dai’s life - daily workouts get blocked in

     04:22– Family time also has a high priority for Dai. He unplugs from devices andfocuses on them

     05:55– Kayvon: “My favourite button on my phone is the mute”

     07:30– Dai’s left his career of 18 years and is going on a book and speaking tourwith his family

     09:30– “Farmers have a harvest season mentality. When it’s harvest season they canwork 18 hour days...maybe the rest of the year is easy, but harvest season hasto be done NOW”

     10:45– When is it okay to say no? And when should you give a no rather than a yes?

     11:40– In each area of your life, you should have only one priority

     12:10– Kayvon tries to keep things black and white: “Either I love something, or Idon’t. There’s no room for ‘like’”

     13:30– “For every Yes, there should be about 9 Nos”

     14:15– “I know I can’t be trusted to make a decision when it’s in front of me. Thedecision making and criteria-choosing should be done well in advance. OtherwiseI convince myself to do things I don’t really love”

     15:50– Sitting in the grey zone is the source of a lot of suffering

     15:15– The Zone Diet

     16:55– “Regret: I regret the things that turned out badly, and that my gut knew fromthe beginning were a mistake.”

     18:00– “Be you. The world will adjust.”

     19:05– “If you only had one hour per day to work: what would you do? What would youeliminate?”

     20:20– Be honest with yourself about what’s important to you and what you want to fit in

     22:30– “What is the potential win on this?” - Do a cost-benefit analysis

     23:45– Kayvon: “I have a hard time saying no to books and podcasts - to committingto content. So sometimes I’ll just focus on one topic or one author.”

     25:30– Focus is powerful - Zero in on one thing

     26:55–  What do you think about timemanagement and resource management? Let us know!

3 Key Points:

1.       Manageyour priorities, not just your time. Decide what you want to commit to.

2.       Eliminatethe grey areas. You’ll have time to do what you love if you eliminate everything you don’t love.

3.      Focus is powerful. Zone in on one thing at a time andfollow it to completion.

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Episode 7 - Eating in a Busy World

July 6, 2016

Episode 7

Summary:

Welcome to Happiness Simplified, a weekly podcast about thesimple things that can make your life awesome. In Episode #7 Kayvon and Daidiscuss eating healthily in a busy life. Tune in to learn how to plan ahead andtrack your feelings after food. You’ll learn a handful of simple tricks to keepyou fuller, healthier, and more energized each day.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

     00:40– Introduction

     01:15– How do you eat healthily in a busy life?

     01:40– Dai thinks that everything starts with having a good relationship with thefoods you eat

     02:05– How do I feel after I’ve eaten something?

     04:30– “Going from food to feeling; rather than feeling to food”

     05:40– Certain feelings drive you towards food

     06:10– A lot of people have a dip in their energy levels in the afternoon - leadingthem towards sugary treats

     07:04– Make a note of how you feel 30-60 minutes after you’ve eaten something

     08:55– “If you struggle with snacking, just plan ahead”

     09:25– Keep healthy things in your bag that will sustain you for a couple of hours

     10:50– What did Dai’s nutrition look like today?

     10:07– Every second morning, he drinks a bullet-proof coffee

     13:10– This morning he had a smoothie; later on a salad with some salad; a mueslibar with water. Tonight is likely to be a steak with salad

     14:20– “If you eat until you feel full, it’s likely you’ve eaten too much”

     14:50– Is there a book or method that people can start with?

     15:15– The Zone Diet

     16:20– “Just try it for two weeks. Measure your food, even if it’s onerous. It’llteach you how to eyeball it.”

     18:40– Drink 2-3 litres of water and try to have one big salad every day

     20:05– What are the ways you try to make your daily diet healthier? Tell us in thecomment section

3 Key Points:

1.       Startthinking about how foods make you feel once you’ve eaten them. Go from food tofeeling, not from feeling to food.

2.       Planahead; keep healthy snacks in your bag.

3.      Check out the Zone Diet to get a feel for portioning and howmuch you should be eating of each food group.

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